The 5 Worst Movies of 2013

Hello everybody!

I hope you've all been keeping warm or beating the heat depending upon where in the world you all are, my best wishes to you all. It's the end of the calendar year forcing us all to look upon the time past and reflect. Being that I'm in the film business, I too will be putting up my top lists on the site! Specifically, they will cover all the movies released in 2013 that I saw, across all genres. But opposed to "top 10's", I'll be posting "top 5's." So, without any further stalling, let's get to business with my least favorite movies of 2013:

5. Spring Breakers

James Franco is stunning in the role of Alien... And that's about it. Harmony Korine gives us a film with a dense pallet of neon colors that's laden with a soundtrack featuring Skrillex and Britney Spears to name a few. However, the film's sub-par script, overall tone of treating women as objects, and just plain bizarre quality made it not difficult to sit through, but one that I didn't enjoy. The social commentary about the lengths these girls are willing to go to spring break their faces off in Florida was not missed by me, that's for sure, but the activities of drinking, doing drugs, and (in this film) riding scooters among many will certainly make this film a cult classic in the vein of "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas." However, the film is just like Alien says: "Bikinis and big booties."

4. Oz: The Great and Powerful

This is nothing but a cash grab by Disney, based on the writings of L. Frank Baum. The worst part about it is that it definitely shows that is a cash grab. James Franco seems like he "isn't entirely there" for the length of the entire film, relying on his mile wide smile and weird sense of reading lines like a high school drama teacher. Bad CGI, over-the-top performances from its entire cast, and extremely bad editing make it's 130 minute runtime seem like an eternity. But perhaps the biggest crime of all is director Sam Raimi's uninspired vision for the entire film. It's amazing how weird Franco is as an actor. He can deliver a flooring and fantastic performance as he does in the above mentioned "Spring Breakers" and then throws it all out the window in this film.

3. Texas Chainsaw 3D

A reboot of the "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" franchise after Platinum Dunes mis-fired the remade franchise with "Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning." A new batch of characters and a different direction for the series makes for what is perhaps the most pointless film this year. Giving us nothing new in terms of kills we haven't seen before, instead the film delivers a different side to Leatherface that I was not expecting, but not in a good way. Trey Songs is stupid, Alexandra Daddario is miscast, and Tanya Raymonde disappears far too soon (not in the way you may think). This film is truly an embarrassment for the TCM name and legacy, easily being the worst of the sequels to the original film. I was actually pissed off by this movie as I left the theater after seeing it. Seriously, I was upset that this was considered passable enough by executives to be given the TCM name and then released to the public. Whoever was involved in the making of "Texas Chainsaw 3D" should be ashamed.

2. Man of Steel

Perhaps the most bizarre film of this year, Superman returns to the bigscreen in a way that no one could really imagine. Henry Cavill was excellent as Kal-El, but the film greatly suffered because of the lack of chemistry between he and two of the film's leading ladies: Diane Keaton as Martha Kent and of course, Amy Adams as Lois Lane. Adams is great in the film when we see her off on her own or interacting with other members of the cast but stumbles when she has to be the woman of Kal-El's dreams. Seriously, Henry Cavill has better on screen chemistry with his costume than he did with Amy Adams. The third act's endless waves of destruction and over-the-top chaos completely took me out of the film as Zod and Superman resort to throwing themselves through buildings, satellites, and whatever else Zack Snyder probably thought would look cool. Of all of the films I saw this year, Zack Snyder's revival of Superman proved to be the biggest travesty in the world of cinema. However, I was more or less expecting the film to turn out this way based on some of Snyder's past work and was prepared for it. But nothing prepared me for the utter disappointment of...

1. Iron Man 3

That's right. In an era in which Marvel Studios is paving the way for how superhero pictures "should" be made, "Iron Man 3" was dropped to massive box office and for the most part, critical success. And hell, I really enjoyed this movie... Then began to dwell upon it. The Mark 42 suit was billed as one of the film's main draws and then... isn't. The script from director Shane Black was far too childish and comedic than we were lead to believe and Tony Stark was annoying. The ending is by far the stupidest endings to any movie I've seen this year and is one of those "why didn't you do that in the first place" type of things. Dumb. Not to mention the post credits scene, which I loved and was a lot of fun, but ultimately was a cheat. As a matter of fact, Marvel even inserted fake names during the credits of "Iron Man 3" to make the audience wait longer for it. This movie was such a turn off that I was in no hurry to see "Thor: The Dark World" and actually became less excited for "Captain America: The Winter Soldier."Hell, if this is how Marvel could potentially treat all of its brands, I'd be fine with stepping away from Marvel's big screen, post converted 3D adaptations.

ANCHORMAN 2: THE LEGEND CONTINUES (2013)

"The Legend Continues" as we follow what's become of our favorite characters in the sequel to one of the most beloved films of recent memory. Director Adam McKay returns in top form and with the entire cast of "Anchorman", to pick up where "The  Legend of Ron Burgundy" left off. Returning are stars Will Ferrell, Paul Rudd, Steve Carell, David Koechner, and Christina Applegate. Newcomers to the cast are Dylan Baker, Kristen Wiig, Josh Lawson, James Marsden, and Meagan Good.

The film takes place several years after the events of the first. Now relocated in New York City, Ron (Ferrell) has just been fired from his position as co-network anchor while his wife Veronica (Applegate) is promoted to lead anchor of the evening news. His marriage ends up on the rocks and his relationship with his son Walter (Judah Nelson) isn't in any better shape. Ron is then contacted by Freddie Schapp (Baker), a representative of the experimental 24 hour news network GNN, who wants a reliable and likable anchor to fill the graveyard shift from 2am-5am. Defying their boss Linda Jackson (Meagan Good) to try and win a bet against popular and favorite Jack Lime (Marsden), the news team reports on personal interests such as why America is the greatest country on Earth, cute animals, and sexual interest stories, throwing out the real news in favor of what people "want to hear." The team then face resistance from head of the network Kench Allenby and the continued strain of his relationship with Walter and Veronica's new lover, Gary (played by Greg Kinnear).

From left: Paul Rudd, Will Ferrell, David Koechner, and Steve Carell all return to reprise their roles from the first "Anchorman"

A lot of pressure was riding on this film. It gave us classic lines such as "By the beard of Zeus", "Did you just throw a burrito out your window?" and my favorite: "I wanna be on you." "Anchorman 2" is weird, quirky, funny, and a perfect sister film to the first. Ron Burgundy solidifies his legendary status in the annals of pop culture. The chemistry from the first film is back, returning with the principal cast. The new additions add much more to the equation as well. James Marsden is nasty, yet extremely hilarious as Jack Lime and Meagan Good is sexy and powerful as Linda Jackson, the butt of many racist jokes coming from Will Ferrell's brilliant performance.

Where as the first film is more of an adventure film, looking at the crazy lives of the Channel 4 News Team, "Anchorman 2" is a satire on the 24 - Hour news culture that we so insanely turn to for instant news, at all hours of the day. This is definitely one of the film's strongest points, poking fun at the birth of a few modern news trends and exposing them for the sensationalist pseudo-porn that news networks make them into. The scenes with Good's Linda Jackson make the movie comes alive with the fire that she brought to her character.

Linda Jackson is Ron Burgundy's new boss in "Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues"

Steve Carell gets much more screen time in this film as fan-favorite character Brick Tamland. He even gets a love interest with Kristen Wiig's character Chani, making for some of the warmest and weirdest moments in the film. What works so well is that it's much more of an exploration of the principal four "Anchorman" characters, giving each of they actors a chance to really show their stuff off in the scenes where their dialogue gets to really play out into over-the-top goodness. Paul Rudd's lines about returning to Los Angeles to hang out with his buddies the "Lady Killers" was too much for me to handle.

Kristen Wiig as Chani, Brick's crush.

The film does drown at times in its 119 minute runtime. The scene between Burgundy and Jackson in her office is far too long and I found much of the stuff with the Allenby character to be absolutely pointless and unexplored. McKay & Farrell's script runs about 20 minutes too long and at times indulges in its own weirdness for too long. On the opposite end of the spectrum, the scene in which Ron chooses to cover a live high speed pursuit is brilliant and a testament to what great writers McKay and Ferrell are, for the most part. The third act of the film is probably the funniest 30 minutes of any movie you'll see this year.

"Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues" is acfunny and worthy sequel to its predecessor. The script is pretty good but is saved by the excellent performances of its cast. The satirical edge to the film creates an original overtone as opposed to making an alternate version of the first like "The Hangover Part II" blundered with. Deep exploration of the characters also does wonders, making it stand apart from the first, yet feel like a natural continuation of " Anchorman." This movie in no way is on the level that the first is on, but comes close. By the end of this film, you'll wish that "Anchorman 3" was on the way. Sit back, prepare to have fun, and stay classy.

7/10

Rated PG-13
Directed by Adam McKay
Written by Adam McKay and Will Ferrell
Runtime - 119 minutes
7.3 of 10 stars on IMDb
75% on Rotten Tomatoes

THE WOLVERINE (2013)

The superhero genre is not in a good place right now thanks to "The Avengers", a game changer for what can be done within the Superhero genre. It also set the bar very high in terms of superhero pictures' third acts being bigger, louder, and more intense than ever. "The Wolverine" is not a film that conforms to those standards and for that reason, it's my favorite superhero film this year.

Hugh Jackman returns as Logan, better known as Wolverine in the X-Men universe. He is living as a hermit in the Canadian wilderness, haunted by the visions and the memory of Jean Grey (Logan was forced to kill her at the end of "X-Men: The Last Stand"). He is found by Yukio, a mutant who has the power to forsee people's deaths. She then transports him to Japan where he has come face to face with and old ghost of his past: a man named Ichiro Yashida (Haruhiko Yamanouchi), whom Logan saved during the bombing of Nagasaki during World War II. Now an old man, he asks Wolverine for his help to protect his granddaughter, Mariko (Tao Okamoto) from forces after her for an unknown reason. Yashida, wanting to repay his life's debt to logan made him an offer to heal Logan's immortality and transfer the power into his own body. Logan refuses and Yashida dies soon after. A bizarre dream soon follows in which he is "treated" by Dr. Green, the deadly Viper (Svetlana Khodchenkova) in disguise as Yashida's physician.Mariko is kidnapped at her grandfather's funeral and Logan is shot. Logan however, has been wounded and is not healing as quickly as he should. He must race to keep Mariko safe and find out what strange transformation his body is going through.

Energized by the film's foreign setting and new batch of characters, "The Wolverine" is the most refreshing superhero picture this year. James Mangold is the latest director to tackle an "X-Men" film and he does so with as much focus on character as his previous efforts: "Walk the Line", the remake of "3:10 to Yuma", and "Girl, Interrupted." Much of the work is done for him with Hugh Jackman returning to play everybody's favorite on screen X-Man. Jackman, by this point, must know the character better than some of the writers who've written Wovlerine in the comic books over the years. He swears, fights, and loves in a way that's all his own, yet at the same time, pays great homage to the character in the comic book.

Another fun aspect of the "X-Men" pictures is the way they're cast. In this film, we get a majority of unknown actors, making us see the characters as opposed to the actors portraying them. Tao Okamoto is fantastic as Mariko, a woman who is forced into an extraordinary situation that is beyond her comprehension. However, the scenes in which she is forced to be dramatic, she falls a little flat. I personally felt that when she didn't say much at all, she shined on screen letting her body, facial expressions, and actions do all of the talking. She is juxtaposed by her brother in the film, Shingen Yashida, played by Hiroyuki Sanada. Also, the Black Ninja Clan who is sworn to protech the Yashida family is pissed because of the death of Ichiro Yashida, the siblings grandfather.

Svetlana Khodchenkova as Viper in "The Wovlerine"

That's right ladies and gentlemen, Wolverine fights ninjas in this picture. This is where the film really stood out and breathed to me. However, the Japanese geography unfortunately couldn't save this film from falling into usual mindless blockbuster territory in its third act. The typical fight between the hero and villain must happen in these films unfortunately, but in it's defense, it's the first film in the Superhero genre that doesn't have a major city being destroyed in its climax (this film greatly ignored what I call "The Avenger Effect"). However, back to the third act.

The charcter of Viper is pretty weak. As the saying goes, a story is only as good as its villain, isn't kept in mind here. Bad guys are spread pretty thin between the Black Ninja Clan, Viper, the Jean Grey dreams, and some other sthat shouldn't be mentioned to avoid spoiling anything. But back to "Dr. Green", we enver get a proper arc to who she is. She just sort of appears and does her thing, something the film in no way benefits from. Another pitfall is it's somewhat decent script written by Mark Bomback and Scott Frank. I thought there were plenty of scenes in which the dialogue could've been tighter and the pace a little more directed, particularly the scenes in which Logan and Mariko become romantically interested in each other. Luckily, when you have an actor as great as Hugh Jackman, it's easy to miss those sorts of things.

Credit must be given to James Mangold for making this movie something more than what was on the page. His first foray into blockbuster filmmaking is not bad. He communicates his ideas very interestingly. Mangold takes the superhero and moves him from major cities and places him in very interesting places that haven't been done in quite the way he attempted them. We do see our hero in a big city, but Wolverine can't fly, run at incredible speeds or stop bullets. Mangold takes him and puts him in the middle of the metropolis that is Tokyo, the sloping and jagged curves of the Japanese countryside, and right in the middle of the bombing of Nagasaki.

Though not the best superhero movie made, "The Wolverine" was the best Superhero picture made this year thanks to James Mangold's direction, Hugh Jackman's performance, and a surprise plot twist revealed in a mid-credits scene (don't stop watching when the credits roll!). The action set pieces are fantastic (Wovlerine fights ninja trained warriors on top of a high speed train - that's all I need to state), and the exploration of what it means to be human returns as is so frequently in the "X-Men" pictures.

7/10

Rated PG-13
Directed James Mangold
Written by Mark Bomback and Scott Frank
Runtime - 126 minutes
6.8 of 10 stars on IMDb
69% on Rotten Tomatoes
Extended Unrated Edition on Blu-Ray from Amazon
Theatrical edition on Blu-Ray from Amazon

THE HUNGER GAMES: CATCHING FIRE (2013)

For every popular film franchise, there's another that just doesn't quite live up to par, so say the respective fans of each. You can't have good without evil, up without down, "Star Wars" without "Star Trek", and now that 2013 comes to a close "The Hunger Games: Catching Fire" proves to us that the very woodenly named "Twilight Saga" is the poor man's equivalent to Katniss and her band of would be revolutionaries.

The story picks up not long after the events of the first film. Peeta Mellark (Josh Hutcherson) and Katniss Everdeen (The ever-versatile Jennifer Lawrence) are trying to live their lives as winner's of the previous year's Hunger Games in which one contestant from a respective district competes in a "fight-to-the-death" style battle. They must go on a tour to each of the districts in what I assume is their country in their weird Orwellian universe the characters inhabit. However, President Snow (played by a subtly evil Donald Sutherland), the white bearded malicious Santa impersonator  visits Katniss to tell her that he was not fooled by the false romance between she and Peeta at the end of the first film and that her actions have give the oppressed residents of the poorer districts hope - which could lead to a rebellion and eventual overthrow of the government. As a means of destroying Katniss, the new games mark an event happening every 25 years in which previous winners of the games will once again be pitted against each other. These events occur just as Peeta and Katniss attempt to fool the world that their romance is not false and trouble is brewing within the people.

From the left: Josh Hutcherson as Peeta Mellark, Elizabeth Banks as Effie Trinket, and Jennifer Lawrence as Katniss Everdeen

It was obvious to me that the film's writers (Simon Beaufoy and rejected writer for the new "Star Wars" picture Michael Arndt) looked at what are widely regarded as the best sequels of all time and drew plot elements from them. For that reason, I consider this to be a Frankenstein style sequel with the body and limbs of "The Empire Strikes Back" (a rebellion and hope for toppling an oppressive government and an Emperor like and Darth Vader - type figures), the mind of "The Dark Knight" (a much darker tone than its previous film and also showing that people are not always who they appear to be), head of Terminator 2 (all stakes are higher and characters who we thought we knew aren't exactly what they seemed), love triangle of "Spider-Man 2", and the control room of "Westworld."

Jennifer Lawrence really gets to shine in this film being the most sincere female lead in any blockbuster this year. However, at times, I couldn't help but wonder who else would be a great Katniss. The casting was not perfect and Lawrence is not the only actress who would've been great in this role, but her second time around gives her much more to do and to have fun with. Phillip Seymour Hoffman also appears in this film as Plutach Heavensbee, the new planner behind the games and he is laughably dry in the role. Never once does Hoffman wipe the "I'm an asshole" smile off of his face, which frankly, was hilarious every time his mug would come on screen.

Katniss plans her first movie against her competitors at the start of the competition.

Perhaps the biggest stroke of excellence with the film though, is the addition of Francis Lawrence at the helm. As I mentioned above, the action is far more exciting and nail biting this time around. A great example is when Katniss is dropped into the arena for the start of the games and she must swim to the bow in arrow, her weapon of choice, located in a weapons bank before the others can get theirs and do some serious damage to each other. When she is dropped into the arena, the focus to me was more on her and Peeta's survival  where as in the first film it was more of a focus on the spectacle of kids killing other kids. The sequence involving a deadly poison gas cloud was great fun as well. When the first film was released last year, I felt extremely indifferent towards it. I didn't think it was bad, but I didn't think it was very good either. The movie had a very boring pace and attitude about it that treated its subject matter with far too much seriousness. Here, the action is more intense, the drama is heightened, and the film is over all darker than its predecessor. At times, the movie was a little too much like "The Empire Strikes Back" for its rebellion story line and overall darker tone.

The biggest weakness however comes at the beginning of the film during the first act. To me, it wasn't interesting at all and suffered from dull dialogue, soupy dialogue about being in love from Hutcherson, and more dumb dialogue from Jennifer Lawrence after the first stop on the Katniss & Peeta victory tour goes very wrong and the overall pace was non-existent, feeling like the story was crawling along as opposed to racing toward an implied conflict between the people and their government as President Snow had feared.

Although not the best sequel ever made or most remarkable film out this year, "The Hunger Games: Catching Fire" took many risks that paid off. A new director, batch of characters, and appeal to a wider audience have made the film not only appealing to fans of Suzanne Collins' novel, but the uninitiated as well. Jennifer Lawrence is finally "growing into her shoes" as Katniss and the supporting cast is much more likable this time around, strangely. Woody Harrelson is charming and Elizabeth Banks is bubbly. If the second movie is this much of a leap and bound better than the first, I cant wait to see what will be in store for "Mockingjay."

7/10

Rated PG-13
Directed by Francis Lawrence
Written by Simon Beaufoy and Michael Arndt
Based on the novel by Suzanne Collins
Runtime - 146 minutes
8.2 of 10 stars on IMDb
89% on Rotten Tomatoes

ALL IS LOST (2013)

"All Is Lost" is the prime example of how you take an actor and push them to their limits. Robert Redford has had a career as long and diverse as any decent actor in Hollywood, so how do you challenge yourself when you've pretty much done it all? The answer is this film. Redford is by himself the entire picture, saying hardly any dialogue and relying on facial expressions, body language, and his environment to tell the story of a nameless charcter (referred to as "Our Man" in the end credits) who faces one large calamity after another at sea.

The story begins with a shock to "Our Man" (Redford) as he is awoken by a tremendous crashing noise. His sailboat, the Virginia Jean has taken a hit from a rogue metal shipping container that collided with his vessel. Soon after, he finds himself having to repair his ship and face deadly surges caused by a large storm that his vessel, is heading straight for.

Robert Redford plays "Our Man", a man whose ship is damaged at sea.

The plot is relatively simple, almost too simple. As a matter of face, the script for the film was only about 32 pages long. Our Man speaks only three times that I can recall in the film, needing Redford to largely communicate what the character was feeling through his actions, emotions, and projections on his face. From the very beginning, there is no clear indication if Our Man will ever be rescued and the movie has only one real "plot point": survival. There is no A-B-C story here, there is a typical three act structure, but all of that doesn't matter in the film's grand scheme. The movie is about survival. Will our man make it out alive?

As is usual in these sorts of films, there is some form of indication that our characters will be okay, but director J.C. Chandor (who also wrote the script) brilliantly creates a scenario which gives the audience no hope at all, replicating the feeling that Our Man must ahve been experiencing the very moment it occurs on screen. I can't remember the last time that a one man film had such power. Francis Lawrence's "I Am Legend" strived to do what "All Is Lost" does, but failed because Will Smith just isn't on the level that Robert Redford is as an actor. I was convinced by the end of the film that Redford can do anything and do it extremely well (we'll be seeing him next in "Captain America: The Winter Soldier" as the head of S.H.I.E.L.D., finally moving into blockbusters after having a mostly dramatic career). Had this film been in anyone else's hands, it wouldn't have worked. He is an everyman, yet at the same time, he is hypnotizing. We're forced to keep our eyes on him the entire film which then forces us to panic when he dips underwater or is suddenly faced with having to complete a seemingly impossible task like finding fresh water.

Things are not looking good as the Virginia Jean enters a fierce storm.

My favorite scene in the film however is the final time that Our Man gets to go through any sort of daily routine. He shaves his face, has a meal, and tries to get some sleep as he heads into a monster of a storm. The audience feels what he probably was experiencing at that point: this is the last time that he'll get to do any of the mundane tasks of life for at least a while. Possibly never again. It's heartbreaking, yet at the same time, inspiring. Robert Redford again sells this scene without needing to say a single freaking word.

The score for the film was written by Alex Ebert and plays an extremely crucial role in the film. Since we are left with no dialogue from our main character, sound design and the film's score must be kicked into high gear, in theory. Bernard Herrman once said "a film's score says what actor cannot" and he was certainly right in this case. The score is played by only about a half dozen musicians and is as frail, sensitive, and sad as Our Man. Also, wide shots of the massive and expansive sea become extremely claustrophobic as there is absolutely no land or help in sight. However, hidden within the main theme was a sense of hope. I wanted him to be okay and to come out alive.

It is impossible to say too much about this film without spoiling anything, so I'll keep this brief. "All Is Lost" is a lesson in what great acting, writing, and directing can do. J.C. Chandor paints a picture entirely with sound, visuals, and the performance of a legendary actor who stepped up to the plate with tremendous results. The film is beautifully lit by cinematographers Frank G. DeMarco and Peter Zuccarini. Together the actor and crew created a terrifyingly beautiful tale at how unforgiving mother nature can be and how the conviction of a single person can go a long way.

8.5/10

Rated R
Written & Directed by J.C. Chandor
Runtime - 106 minutes
7.5 stars of 10 on IMDb
94% on Rotten Tomatoes