I hope you've all been keeping warm or beating the heat depending upon where in the world you all are, my best wishes to you all. It's the end of the calendar year forcing us all to look upon the time past and reflect. Being that I'm in the film business, I too will be putting up my top lists on the site! Specifically, they will cover all the movies released in 2013 that I saw, across all genres. But opposed to "top 10's", I'll be posting "top 5's." So, without any further stalling, let's get to business with my least favorite movies of 2013:
5. Spring Breakers
James Franco is stunning in the role of Alien... And that's about it. Harmony Korine gives us a film with a dense pallet of neon colors that's laden with a soundtrack featuring Skrillex and Britney Spears to name a few. However, the film's sub-par script, overall tone of treating women as objects, and just plain bizarre quality made it not difficult to sit through, but one that I didn't enjoy. The social commentary about the lengths these girls are willing to go to spring break their faces off in Florida was not missed by me, that's for sure, but the activities of drinking, doing drugs, and (in this film) riding scooters among many will certainly make this film a cult classic in the vein of "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas." However, the film is just like Alien says: "Bikinis and big booties."
4. Oz: The Great and Powerful
This is nothing but a cash grab by Disney, based on the writings of L. Frank Baum. The worst part about it is that it definitely shows that is a cash grab. James Franco seems like he "isn't entirely there" for the length of the entire film, relying on his mile wide smile and weird sense of reading lines like a high school drama teacher. Bad CGI, over-the-top performances from its entire cast, and extremely bad editing make it's 130 minute runtime seem like an eternity. But perhaps the biggest crime of all is director Sam Raimi's uninspired vision for the entire film. It's amazing how weird Franco is as an actor. He can deliver a flooring and fantastic performance as he does in the above mentioned "Spring Breakers" and then throws it all out the window in this film.
3. Texas Chainsaw 3D
A reboot of the "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" franchise after Platinum Dunes mis-fired the remade franchise with "Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning." A new batch of characters and a different direction for the series makes for what is perhaps the most pointless film this year. Giving us nothing new in terms of kills we haven't seen before, instead the film delivers a different side to Leatherface that I was not expecting, but not in a good way. Trey Songs is stupid, Alexandra Daddario is miscast, and Tanya Raymonde disappears far too soon (not in the way you may think). This film is truly an embarrassment for the TCM name and legacy, easily being the worst of the sequels to the original film. I was actually pissed off by this movie as I left the theater after seeing it. Seriously, I was upset that this was considered passable enough by executives to be given the TCM name and then released to the public. Whoever was involved in the making of "Texas Chainsaw 3D" should be ashamed.
2. Man of Steel
Perhaps the most bizarre film of this year, Superman returns to the bigscreen in a way that no one could really imagine. Henry Cavill was excellent as Kal-El, but the film greatly suffered because of the lack of chemistry between he and two of the film's leading ladies: Diane Keaton as Martha Kent and of course, Amy Adams as Lois Lane. Adams is great in the film when we see her off on her own or interacting with other members of the cast but stumbles when she has to be the woman of Kal-El's dreams. Seriously, Henry Cavill has better on screen chemistry with his costume than he did with Amy Adams. The third act's endless waves of destruction and over-the-top chaos completely took me out of the film as Zod and Superman resort to throwing themselves through buildings, satellites, and whatever else Zack Snyder probably thought would look cool. Of all of the films I saw this year, Zack Snyder's revival of Superman proved to be the biggest travesty in the world of cinema. However, I was more or less expecting the film to turn out this way based on some of Snyder's past work and was prepared for it. But nothing prepared me for the utter disappointment of...
1. Iron Man 3
That's right. In an era in which Marvel Studios is paving the way for how superhero pictures "should" be made, "Iron Man 3" was dropped to massive box office and for the most part, critical success. And hell, I really enjoyed this movie... Then began to dwell upon it. The Mark 42 suit was billed as one of the film's main draws and then... isn't. The script from director Shane Black was far too childish and comedic than we were lead to believe and Tony Stark was annoying. The ending is by far the stupidest endings to any movie I've seen this year and is one of those "why didn't you do that in the first place" type of things. Dumb. Not to mention the post credits scene, which I loved and was a lot of fun, but ultimately was a cheat. As a matter of fact, Marvel even inserted fake names during the credits of "Iron Man 3" to make the audience wait longer for it. This movie was such a turn off that I was in no hurry to see "Thor: The Dark World" and actually became less excited for "Captain America: The Winter Soldier."Hell, if this is how Marvel could potentially treat all of its brands, I'd be fine with stepping away from Marvel's big screen, post converted 3D adaptations.
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